The Bum Magnet by K.L. Brady

The Bum Magnet by K.L. Brady

The Bum Magnet by K.L. Brady

 

Book Description

Publication Date: March 29, 2011
Now available from Pocket Books, the critically acclaimed book club favorite featuring a proud, sarcastic heroine with a quick wit, short fuse, and an affinity for Grey Goose vodka.Sassy and successful real estate agent Charisse Tyson has it all—the stately, three-story colonial, a dream job, and a 7-Series BMW. After two decades of tumultuous relationships with cheating men, she’s ready to overhaul her life and make some lasting changes. Charisse swears off dating and sex until she feels ready for a healthy relationship—but unfortunately stunningly sexy, charming Dwayne, a client of Charisse’s, comes along and her plans change. But can she learn from her past mistakes and learn to trust men—and herself?Excerpt

1 Self-therapy for Dummies

Her words played in my head like a scratched LP. “Charisse, a good man is like Santa Claus. Believing in him feels real good until you find out he doesn’t really exist.” Although I ignored most of my mother’s attempts at wisdom, this little gem stuck with me… like gum on my shoe. No wonder I was nearing the big four-oh and home alone on yet another New Year’s Eve. No bubbly to pop, no confetti to throw, no love to kiss at midnight’s stroke; only me, my remote control, and six goldfish—one in need of a trip to the porcelain god.

Why was I home alone on New Year’s Eve again? Because of Marcus damn Matthews—“the one.” You know “the one,” right? The one whocheated. The one who lied. The one who broke my damn heart. The one who kept calling my house begging me to take his conniving ass back. That “one.” I had finally settled in for the night and tried to forget that I’d flushed three years of my life down the toilet of wasted time and squandered heart when my doorbell rang.

He’s baaaaack!

“What do you want, Marcus?” I asked, exasperated by his unwillingness to accept that our relationship was over.

“I want you. I need you, Charisse,” he pleaded, his eyes resembling those of a hungry puppy dog begging for his next Scooby snack. I guess he didn’t see the sign on my forehead: “No Dawgs Allowed!”

“No, what you need to do is go find that bitch I caught you with and ring her damn doorbell. Love don’t live here anymore.”

He let out a sigh of annoyance and aggravation, as if I was the one ringing his doorbell unannounced and uninvited. “Why are you doing this, baby? You know how sorry I am.”

“Yes, Marcus, I know how sorry you are… and that’s precisely why I’m doing this. Now, you can leave voluntarily, or I can call five-oh. In my neighborhood, you know they’ll be here before you can back out of the driveway.”

“All right, Charisse. I’ll leave for now. But this isn’t settled, not by a long shot,” he declared as I slammed the door in his face.

Damn! How could I let this happen again? I am suffering from a chronic case of Wrong Men-itis and it has to stop! I thought. Shaking my head in confusion, I walked back to the family room, which hadn’t been cleaned since the onset of my depression.

Now, how am I going to entertain myself until I pass out in a drunken stupor?

I turned on the stereo, determined to avoid any sappy love songs to send me deeper into my emotional upheaval, so R&B out, Pop out, Country way out.

Nowadays you couldn’t even trust Rock. Finally, the Disco station, XM-83. What a relief. “Night Fever” by the Bee Gees played, a perfectly non-suicide-inducing song.

Thought a gripping magazine article might help take my mind off my troubles, so I grabbed a few from the coffee table. My preferred subscription was Z: The Zaina Magazine, published by talk-show hostess Zaina Humphrey. Between hosting mind-numbing “hope you didn’t come for the cookies” open houses; helping delusional “my home will sell for ten thousand above market price, even with the lime-green carpet and Barney-inspired purple paint” sellers; and showing homes to unrealistic “will the seller spring for a Sub-Zero in this trailer?” home buyers, my days were consumed. I kept her show on TiVo for occasions when I needed my fix, though.

Forty locked its jaws on me like a pit bull, so my interests broadened far beyond the “Six Ways to Have an Orgasm While Balancing Your Checkbook” articles. I craved pithy, spirit-lifting, soul-feeding, personal-growth-inducing, psychotherapeutic edutainment in less than sixty minutes or for less than five bucks an issue. Zaina delivered. She taught me how to improve my relationship with myself and the people forced to tolerate me.

After perusing a couple of editions and glancing at a few nuggets here and there, I decided I would return my attention to the disappointing plasma if I didn’t stop to read anything in detail. Near the last pages, I glimpsed an article that piqued my interest: “Stop Attracting Toxic Men: Five Steps to Unpacking Your Emotional Baggage.” I studied it with a level of focus I hadn’t been able to muster in weeks.

 

Common Signs of Emotional Baggage

Do you find it difficult to share your feelings with your boyfriend even when he invites you to confide in him?

No. No difficulty. It’s none of their business.

Do you test his loyalty and find excuses to remain distant or break up with him?

Eeeeh, that’s a bad thing?

Do you stereotype men and assume if one cheats and lies they all do?

Hmph, well if the shoe fits

Do you avoid taking blame for your mistakes?

So not true. I only blamed them because it was entirely their fault.

Do you have a lingering ghost from your past history that you’ve tried to forget but never put to rest?

Hmmm, maybe I’d better keep reading.

If any of the behaviors above sound familiar, you’ve got emotional baggage. Follow these steps to unpack your baggage for good.

 

• • •Entertaining the prospect of dumping my bags and losing my bum magnetism filled me with excitement. But my stomach sank in fear of what might need to come out of the closet in the process. That’s a bridge I’m not quite prepared to cross.

© 2011 K. L. Brady

My Review

Let me start this review by saying it has been quite a while that I have laughed so much while reading a book as I did with The Bum Magnet by K.L. Brady. Charisse is like most women I know including myself. She has dated bum after bum after bum in hopes of finding the right man.  Charisse is a professional woman who has already went through one divorce and can’t seem to find a man that is truthful, faithful, or even really available.

In my opinion what made The Bum Magnet quite entertaining and multi-layered is that not only was it funny it was also very deep and quite emotional. This book dealt with what happens when we allow our emotional baggage to lead our lives instead of dealing with it and leaving it all in the past. The Bum Magnet by K.L. Brady reminds us that most of the time it is not other people that are the issue instead it is the person that we look at in the mirror. And, until we decide to change that person our life will not change.  Now, I can’t wait to read the sequel, Got a Right to Be Wrong!

5 star rating

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